I hear it all the time. People almost holding court, proudly telling anyone who will listen that they never sleep. They say they wake up in the night, go downstairs, make a brew, read their book, then head back to bed, as if this is just how life is now.
What most people do not realise is that this is not just something that is happening to them. It is something they are creating, a habit that could well stick.
Your brain is always listening and always learning. If you wake up, make a brew, read a book and repeat that pattern often enough, your brain starts to expect it. Not because something is wrong, but because something has been practised. You have created a loop: wake up, do something, stimulate the mind, repeat. Over time, the brain begins to nudge you awake to follow that same pattern again.
Sleep is not just something that happens to us. It is something we teach ourselves to do well.
This is where many people accidentally work against themselves. Talking about not sleeping, focusing on not sleeping, building little routines around being awake in the night, all of this reinforces the message. The brain hears, "this is what we do here." It does not question it. It simply follows.
On top of that, we live in a world that keeps our brains switched on right up until the moment we get into bed. Scrolling, fast-paced TV, constant stimulation, all keeping the brain in a high alert state. Then we expect to lie down and drift off. But if your brain has been running in that faster, busier state, it does not simply switch off because your head hits the pillow. It needs guiding down slowly.
Why is a pre-sleep routine so important?
This is why a pre-sleep routine is not a luxury. It is a necessity, especially when you are resetting your sleep patterns. Doing five simple things at roughly the same time every night begins to signal to your brain that it is time to wind down. A warm shower, dimming the lights, putting your pyjamas on, applying a calming cream, having a warm drink like herbal tea or water, and doing some gentle breathing. These are not just nice habits. They are cues, and your brain responds very well to cues.
If your mind is still active, you can guide it down rather than trying to force it to stop. One simple method is a sensory countdown: three things you can see, three things you can feel, three things you can hear, then two of each, then one, all done slowly and in time with your breath. It is not about doing it perfectly. It is about softening the mind. There is a reason people used to count sheep. It is not clever or intrinsic, it is just simple enough for the brain to disengage.
What should I do when I wake up in the night?
Then you fall asleep and suddenly you wake up. This is where frustration often kicks in, and where many people fully wake themselves up without realising it. Waking in the night is completely normal. Sometimes it is leftover cortisol from the day, sometimes your body needs you to go to the bathroom, sometimes it is simply part of your natural sleep cycle. The reason matters far less than what you do next.
The moment you wake up, your job is to stay in sleep mode. Talk to yourself slowly, move slowly, breathe slowly. Even if you get up, keep everything calm and gentle. The second you get frustrated or start thinking too much, your brain shifts gears. It moves into daytime mode, problem solving, analysing, planning, and now you are fully awake.
The middle of the night is not the time to solve your life. The part of your brain that does that well is not fully online, which is why everything feels bigger, heavier and more overwhelming at 3am. Instead of engaging with those thoughts, give them somewhere to go. I often suggest imagining a filing tray labelled "tomorrow." Anything that comes up gets placed there with no emotion, no analysing, no decision making. Just a quiet, "we will deal with that later."
It is also important not to attach feelings to thoughts at this time. The moment you add emotion, you add energy, and that energy lifts you out of sleep and back into wakefulness.
What is a sleep screen and does it work?
One of my favourite tools is creating a sleep screen. Bring to mind a calm memory, somewhere you felt relaxed and safe, and gently hold that image. Then, as you breathe slowly, imagine writing the word "sleep" across that scene over and over again. It gives your mind something soft to focus on without waking it up further.
How does lifestyle affect sleep?
There are also some simple but important lifestyle factors to consider. Caffeine can stay in your system longer than most people realise, sugar can keep the brain alert, and having your phone or other screens near the bed keeps your mind more active than you might think. Ideally your bedroom should feel calm, dark and cool, and your bed should be somewhere you genuinely feel comfortable. Even your mattress and pillows matter more than people often give them credit for.
How does the way I think about sleep affect my ability to sleep?
The way you speak to yourself about sleep is just as important as any other factor. If you repeatedly tell yourself you cannot sleep, your brain listens. Instead, begin to gently reinforce something different.
I am a great sleeper. I sleep with ease. I love my bed.
It may feel small, but this is how patterns begin to shift.
Sleep is not a luxury. It is where your body rests, restores and heals. So the real question is not "why can't I sleep?" but "what am I teaching my brain about sleep?"
How long does it take to fix your sleep?
With consistency, your brain will learn a new way. It does not take forever. Around 45 days of repeated patterns can begin to create a new habit, and once your brain understands that sleep is safe and consistent again, it will start to return more naturally.
If you need support with this, the HappyMe Sleep Pathway in Programs is designed to guide you step by step, helping you build these habits in a gentle, realistic way so that sleep becomes something that feels easy again, not something you have to fight for.
Happy Sleeping. Love Melanie and the HappyMe Team
